Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
