I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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