her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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