Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
