I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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