oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
there was a trapeze. enough said
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we should paint friendship bongs
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
