if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We smell like vodka and hangover
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