Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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