Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
