how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
