New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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