It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
