No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
