i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
