The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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