i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
