I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
