"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
