In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
