Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
