I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
