It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
