Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
