I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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