Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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