Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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