john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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