I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize