You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
