i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
