kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
