she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
