i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
