I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize