im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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