C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
