walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
