I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
