I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Still dying that you shit outside
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Randomize
