Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
