She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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