I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
