I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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