I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
