turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
