Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
