Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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