So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
