i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
