her vagine was all disorganized.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
