I was born with a shot glass in my hand
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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