no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
