dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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