My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The feeling are messing with the penis
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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