Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
