Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
