How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
