just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
