Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
