I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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