god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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