i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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