Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
