I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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