So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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