when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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