maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
